Maybe…
I never thought I would be one of those people that fall apart. Yet here I am time and time again…picking up the pieces. I wonder why I always end up back here. Maybe I will never understand. Maybe it is all part of a bigger plan. I only pray that each time I fall I will remember to keep getting up. Keep fighting. Surrender is not the answer and failure is NOT an option!!
It seems that in these moments when I am completely shattered I feel closer to God somehow. Maybe that is all this is about. Maybe God loves me so much He wants me to realize my need for Him.
Maybe…
I always think that this is it…a quick fix and voila! I am healed. I should know better, but the delusion seems so much easier than reality. I get tired of walking this out. Every day the same struggles, the same emotions, the same disappointments. I feel like a failure. And yet, here I am again.
If my life is a witness, I sure don’t see it…I am nothing. But God asked me to live this out loud. All the “stuff” open and real. I only hope that someday the “stuff” is not so hideous.
I am trying to learn to walk in Grace. I am pretty sure I have a long way to go. God has given me more Grace than I will ever deserve, but that is the beauty of the gift. You cannot earn Grace no matter how hard you try. That is also why it is so hard to just accept. It seems that human nature always wants to prove itself.
I don’t know why I am writing all of this. It is not my usual poetic prose or word pictures, but here it is nonetheless…and it is real. Maybe that is all I need to be.
Maybe…
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