Living the Journey…

Crying out it seems the words are empty as they shout back to me, bouncing off the walls that extend all around me.  Here I am again in the pit I so desperately try to forget.  It seems as though the more I fight, the more I try, the more my heart aches when I end up right back where it all started.  Alone and abandoned.

I do not understand.  I just want to be where You are.  Why can I not escape the torment of my own mind?

I will NOT surrender.  I will NOT give up this fight. NOT this time.  I have seen the LIGHT.  I have tasted the sweetness of FREEDOM.

I may be back in this pit and I may hate it with a hatred that pierces my heart, but I will stand and I will start again.  I will start again and again until the pit no longer holds me captive.

I do not understand, but my understanding means little.  I was made for more.  The fear and doubt that grips my mind may be loud, but I KNOW that YOU will never leave me.  I cannot feel You, but my feelings are not to be trusted anyway.  It is a knowing that burns in the deepest part of me. 

It is in losing myself that I find You again, so take me and destroy all that is not pleasing to You.  I give my life no matter what the cost.  If this is what it takes to find Your will then I will walk through this hellish place one more time.  I will walk and I will continue to trust in the Hands I cannot see, in the Voice I cannot hear and in the peace I do not feel.