Christmas Ponderings…
Lights glowing, decorations gleaming, smells of Christmas fill the air. My shopping is finished, only a small amount of wrapping left to do…
Yet, I feel NOTHING. I have gone through all the motions. I have said the RIGHT things, read the RIGHT books, listened to the RIGHT music and even prayed the RIGHT prayers…and NOTHING.
What is it about this time of year that always causes me to become introspective? I WANT to feel the way I am SUPPOSE to feel, but I have NO idea what that even is anymore.
I see people running around trying to find the perfect gift. I see over-spending, over-stretched, well…just OVERwhelmed people all around me. I am not overwhelmed. So what is MY problem?
I guess I just long for the simplicity of REALNESS. I want someone to know me so well that they pick the most simple of gestures and show me that our relationship is REAL. It is not about money or schedules. It is not the amount of store bought Christmas (or should I say “holiday”) greetings. Or lack thereof as the case seems to be. It is about being known…REALLY known.
As I sit and ponder all of the emotions that flood over me during this time EVERY year…I wonder what it would take to bring me back to what is REAL.
I miss quiet time with the Lord. I miss FEELING well…ANYTHING. I am so numb. I want God to show up and remind me that this is not about a little baby. This is about sacrificial love. Love that gave up perfection. Love that felt rejection and loneliness…just like me. Love that laid it all on the line and was willing to give His life for ME. ME! Jesus became dependent on a young mother who did not have a clue what she was doing. The God who spoke the world into existence now depended on a teenager to meet His basic needs. He did it on purpose…He chose this gift for His children. He came and He walked it out. THAT is REAL!
He knows me. He knows what I need. Oh, how I long for THAT this year. The gift that fills my soul with JOY, PEACE, UNDERSTANDING, and a sense of BELONGING. That is my Christmas wish.
Simplicity restored.